| Snappy Answer #1 
 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
 check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
 ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a
 beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
 
 
 Snappy Answer #2
 
 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
 grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
 asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy
 replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
 
 
 Snappy Answer #3
 
 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped
 for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all
 day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
 could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
 way without a ticket.
 
 
 Snappy Answer #4
 
 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign
 comes up that reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is
 right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed
 up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his
 car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
 says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
 this bridge and ran out of gas."
 
 
 Snappy Answer #5
 
 A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A
 single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
 Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his
 ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it
 has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy
 to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure
 we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He
 asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE
 ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
 public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she
 began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a
 passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can
 help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."With the folks
 behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United
 agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without flinching, she
 smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for
 that, too."
 
 
 Snappy Answer # 6,
 
 THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
 
 A college teacher reminds her
 class of tomorrow's final exam. Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
 for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a
 serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family
 but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back
 of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I
 said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The
 entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When
 silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student,
 shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the
 exam with your other hand."
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